Mama Says…

Confession #1: I have never been interested in (nor have I ever read) any books that might fall into the “self-help” category.

Confession #2: Because of that, I really didn’t think I’d like Babyproofing Your Marriage.

Oh, how I was wrong. And oh, how I wish authors Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone had written this book roughly three and a half years ago, when I was an overwhelmed new mother wondering what the hell my husband and I had been thinking deciding to go ahead and have frivolous unprotected sex with the hopes that egg and sperm would meet.

Babyproofing Your Marriage takes the inevitable changes that take place once the bun pops out of the oven, dissects them and offers sage advice on how to keep your heads – and your marriage – above water. The thing I liked the most about it was that reading it was like having a conversation with my girlfriends. The authors use their own voices, humour and experiences to create a dialogue that’s easy (and fun) to read. Woven throughout the book are quotes from parents (and even grandparents) that had me laughing out loud and feeling quite relieved that I’m the only one out there who has met her husband at the door, crying hysterically alongside her children, “Why did we ever have kids?”

Cockrell, O’Neill and Stone tell it like it is. They take the bull by the horns and tackle the issues that left alone could break a marriage, such as the bombshell that is having a baby (Chapter 2), the whole what the hell happened to my bloody libido? thing (Chapter 4, a.k.a. The Most Important Chapter In This Book, for good reason…) and pulling up your socks and giving in to the chaos that is having children (Chapter 6).

Something I really liked about this book was that all sides were accounted for. The feedback given from married men was honest and many times, eye-opening – it made me feel fortunate that my husband is as helpful and as hands-on as he is. Thoughts from grandparents, as well as working and stay-at-home mothers gave the book a very ‘thorough’ feel. It’s obvious that the authors wanted to offer many different perspectives, and they did.

They also offer excellent advice – advice that is realistic and can be implemented by both husbands and wives. For example:

• The Five Minute Fix (a.k.a The Blowjob): It takes five minutes and you will reap the benefits of those five minutes for days. You don’t have to get undressed. Your body doesn’t have to be invaded. You don’t even have to talk…You will buy yourself a couple of days, maybe even a week.
• For those with newborns, someone should be sleeping: You have to have a system. Dad does all feeds up till midnight, Mom (goes to bed early and) gets everything after. Or whatever suits your sleeping schedule. Don’t duke it out, Divide and Conquer. (This is the only way Dave and I were able to function when our little darlings were screaming newborns…)
• For husbands who want to help but aren’t quite sure what to do: Take the baby so she can catch a nap. Or offer to do a full night of feedings once a week. Offer to take over part of the weekend so she can get a breather and do something for herself.
• On Scorekeeping: The Super-Secret, Sure-Fire Way Both of You Can End Scorekeeping: If all else fails, try Rock, Paper, Scissors. Works Every time. (This right here? This is good advice, people. Dave and I have solved many a parenting dilemma the Rock/Paper/Scissors way. Take note!)